Saturday, January 09, 2010

I'd like you to like me

I am stuck in a conundrum. I don't like people, but I want them to like me. I know, I'm weird. It's the same way in-game.
I hate seeing 'yellow names'. 'Yellow names' mean one of two things:
  1. These NPCs don't hate me, but they don't really like me yet
  2. An opposing player who is flagged for PvP and I am not.
The first thing, NPCs. I just hate seeing the yellow names. I usually do what I can to get 'Friendly' with factions as soon as possible when it can be done. Seeing 'yellow' in Dalaran inns until I can get to the Argent Tournament at level 77 in order to gain their favor drives me up a wall. I have so many characters that have come through Shat since Wrath came out, that it is literally a sea of yellow when I go there for some reason. I just have to do something about it.

The second thing, players. It's no secret that I can't stand PvP. And when I see a 'yellow name' on a player it usually means one thing-that player is probably killing NPCs that I need to use. Wasting MY time. I don't care if you think this is fun, because ruining someone else's game time should not be "fun". That is sadistic. To get pleasure from someone else's pain. And I just don't get it. And there is NO chance of turning that 'yellow name' to red to do something about it-those players almost always outlevel my character by too many to count. Although seeing that Dwarf Hunter get pwned by Sergra Darkthorn recently was quite amusing, I still had to sit and wait to turn in a quest for quite awhile because the idiot just stood there and killed them as soon as they spawned.

So to the conundrum. I generally, as a rule, hate all people. I've been overtly shy since I was a kid. I also grew up being blamed for everything. I actually had a tshirt as a 12 year old that said "Go ahead, blame it on me, everyone else does". Now mind you, I was an extremely good kid. I never once, ever got sent to the Principals Office. I made straight A's throughout school. I was always "Teacher's Pet". The thought of doing something "wrong" was abhorrent to me. I aimed to please. And still got blamed for so many things.

And then, once I got to High School, I became the "Invisible Girl". I had no friends, never talked to anyone, but I STILL did not lose sight of "always doing the right thing". I did make one friend. And when we were 17, we were walking across the street and she was hit by a car and killed. It could have been me, so easily. I've never made a friend since then. And that was 25 years ago. Oh I had 'acquaintances', so-called 'friends', roommates. When I moved out of state 12 years ago, guess who never once bothered to keep in contact with me? Of course not, I always knew they hated me. I do thank God every day for my husband, I still don't know how I managed that one!

But I am really a really, really nice person! I always let others go ahead of me, I smile a LOT at other people, I hold doors open, I always say "please" and "thank you" and "yes sir" and "no ma'am". I obey all rules(including road rules, I come to a complete stop and use turn signals in an empty parking lot!). I'm not like "House"(on the tv show), in that he is a misanthrope who hates people AND enjoys making their lives miserable. I hate people because I know they will not really like me and will disappoint me at some point. Because they always have.

I see 'yellow names' all around me, every day. The idiot on the road who wants to tailgate me because I won't drive over the speed limit is just like the PvP jerk. The people at the store are like the people in Shattrath. I want people to like me, but I'm just not sure why I should bother most of the time. In my mind, I am doing everyone in WoW a FAVOR by remaining solo, because I am giving them one less person to blame everything on or one less person to ruin their game time. Just the thought of someone yelling at me or being mad at me for any reason makes me sick to my stomach. Really, I'm getting ill right now just thinking about it. I'm no philosopher though, but there is an excellent blog out there about WoW and philosophy. I wonder what they'd think of me? Never mind, I don't want to know.

So maybe I have a gene that makes me too sensitive. I cry at everything from country music songs to Hallmark commercials. Everything reminds me of my only friend and that is making me tear up now just thinking about that. I take everything said as an personal insult even if it isn't directly said to or about me. When nobody bothers to comment on the photos I post to Flickr, I take that as "my photos suck, everyone hates them". And then I talk to myself. I have 4 blogs: this one, a photo blog, a travel blog and a cemetery blog. And I rarely get comments. And I've gotten used to that. I've said it before, this isn't more of a "I've got something important to say so I hope millions of people read it", it's more of a 'travel journal'. Something that's fun to look back on and see where I've been and what I've done. Maybe others won't mind reading it, because maybe sometimes I do have something important to say. Or maybe it's just a cry for help. And yes, I said "cemetery blog", because I like to photograph cemeteries(notice the one in my header?). At least the dead people won't judge me.

So, to sum up, WoW is a lot like life. Well, my life anyway. And maybe I'm just a weirdo loner with far too much to say and yet always saying nothing. Geez Louis, when is Diablo 3 gonna get here?????


Joar said...

I like you! And I really enjoy your blog!

When did Scout become Skaut?

Skaut said...

Thanks Joar. :) I know there are a few of you out there, your just so darn hard to find!

And I changed to Skaut the other day when I started adding my photo blog to contests-there was already a Scout, and Skaut is just Scout in German and it looks cool! :)

Mom0f3NYC said...

I think you are awesome. I am 51 and have feelings just like you. I am living in NYC (go figure) with 3 kids. My older 2 turned me on to WoW 5 yrs ago and I have been solo hooked for about the same amount of time. I have 3 level 80's now and they have gotten there by haha solo-ing. My 2 70's are retired because when I played with my teens and was basically forced to instance and raid with them (with many silent and not so silent tears), it took a lot of work to get them geared. ahhh. the memories. Thank God they are in college now and no guilt trips for me anymore. I love solo-ing and have stopped making excuses for my not epic enough gear. I admire your honesty Scout and I like you. I am happy actually that there is room for people like us. I solo in life and love to solo WoW.